Our Dark Secret

Author: Moxie
Rating: NC-17

Summary: Slash - William/Alexander - nineteenth century. William is attracted to Alexander and he's more than interested but this is a forbidden love - will it survive? An exploration of of a relationship that breaks all of societies rules. Emphasis on the emotional impact and I don't intend to have any overly graphic sex in this but it will be NC17. Anyone who has read my other stories will know what I mean
A/N: Be kind, it's my first attempt at slash ( I do hate that term) and as I say in the summary I don't go for graphic descriptions because I wouldn't know where to begin. I've aimed at erotic.... Also I do realize that slash isn't everyone's thing and I surprise myself in writing this, but rewatching FFL got me thinking.....
Disclaimer: ME owns it all, I just borrow.

A/N 2: Big thanks to Sangue for the title btw.

  

Scene - C19 gentleman's bedroom -

  
William has just returned rather tipsy from a very boring dinner
party, his thoughts straying to Alexander his valet who is waiting
up for him.........


Chapter 1 You Only Have to Ask


William slipped the coat from his shoulders, working his necktie
loose. But the knot was being stubborn tonight. Either that or he'd
had more to drink than he'd realized. Alex stepped in front of him,
taking over the task in that brisk efficient way he had of smoothing
over the cracks, taking charge. It was what he paid him for after
all.



He stood so close when he did this that William could see the rich,
hazel depths of his eyes as he concentrated on what he was doing.
Eyes that were framed with lashes too long to belong to a man,
surely? And the smattering of dark hair on his forearms where he'd
rolled back his cuffs, was much more fascinating than it should be,
so William looked down instead, swallowing back the strange feelings
that this closeness elicited in him. Telling himself that he was
rather tipsy and more than a little sad tonight, and that any
gesture of comfort could so easily be misinterpreted.



But the fact was, that he already knew that he only had to say the
word and Alex would turn from being devoted servant to something
else. Every movement, every gesture held a subtle subtext, that said
I'm here for you and I can give you what you're looking for. You
only have to ask.



They were much the same height and he stood motionless as Alex's
fingers worked at the knot, wondering what the man saw when he
looked at him. Wondering if he'd break his heart if he gave in to
this insane urge that wouldn't leave him alone.



Was it even possible for two men to love on that level? Men bonded,
but did they love in that can't live without out you kind of way?
Did they yearn for each other, and write sweet love poems about
beauty and devotion?



The floral scents of the women at the dinner party had made him
light -headed, but Alex grounded him with his perfume of whiskey and
sweat, the vague remnants of faded arousal. Smoke and fire. He
smelled earthy and rich in a way only another man would notice. And
like whiskey, it was intoxicating.



William found himself fixating on the wet patches under Alex's arms,
his nostrils twitching as he caught another whiff and he wanted
nothing more than to bury his head there and breath deeply. Fill
himself up with dark promises and forbidden desires. Loving another
man was so much like looking in a mirror. When he looked at Alex, he
was looking at himself. When he smelt him he smelt his own arousal
and need. And when he looked into his eyes he saw what he himself
wanted.



He saw the truth.



"There you go. Will you be requiring a bath sir?"



William looked about him, wearily wondering whether he had the
energy to resist what was happening. Alex wouldn't force him or make
him do anything he didn't do of his own free will, he already knew
that. Already knew that the decision and therefore the blame, would
be his. Already knew that he only had to nod his head, make the
merest gesture of acquiescence and he'd be on a road from which
there'd be no turning back.



"No, I'm tired I think I'll go to bed."



He turned away so that Alex couldn't see the demons he was battling
right then. Couldn't see how close he was to making the decision
that would change everything.



Alex got as far as the door, William heard it open, and then the
unspoken question seemed to hover in mid air. It stretched between
them like a silken thread, binding them and drawing them together.
Pulling Alex back into the room, making William turn around. And
when he did it was like seeing Alex for the first time. Like seeing
something that you've looked for all your life and never thought
you'd find.



William made that gesture, he couldn't help it because right now
this was out of his control. The slightest nod of his head and Alex
was across the room, his hand on William's arm, the lightest of
touches, drawing him towards the bed, soothing his panic with softly
murmured words of reassurance. His dark soulful eyes holding nothing
but love.



"It's alright, I'll take care of you," he said, his voice low and
hypnotic, fingers trailing down the front of Williams shirt to come
to rest on the waistband of his trousers. "There's nothing for you
to worry about."



They exchanged a brief look as William sat on the edge of the bed
and lay back, aware that in doing so he'd crossed a line he could
never uncross. Aware that he was giving consent to something he'd
wanted for a long time, if he was honest with himself. And fully
aware of what would happen if anyone found out.


But at that moment he couldn't bring himself to care about the
consequences. All he cared about was the sensation of Alexander's
fingers working at the buttons of his trousers, his knuckles
kneading at his rapidly hardening flesh as he twisted and released
them. Lightly grazing, skimming over his underwear as he worked them
free.



He jerked a little at the contact then drew in a sharp breath as
Alex's hand flattened over the length of his cock, his thumb pulling
down the waistband of his underpants, sliding over its smooth head.



Back and forth, back and forth. Each time releasing him a little
more.



William gave up any pretence at resistance then and lost himself in
the rhythm of Alex's touch, closing his eyes to concentrate the
sensation, his hips moving languidly in time with the slow slide of
Alex's curled fingers. Holding him just right, making the world go
away. Replacing it with this sweet ache deep down inside of him.



He felt the bed creak and dip as Alex climbed up beside him, never
breaking contact, and he rolled onto his side and pushed back
against the hard bulge in Alex's trousers, his hips moving more
urgently as he felt his climax nearing. Eyes tight shut now, his
face a mask of exquisite agony, his breathing erratic as Alex
quickened his pace. Clever fingers splaying and skimming over his
tight balls on every downstroke.



For a moment the real world intruded once more. He suddenly
remembered who he was and the shock of what he was doing hit him
anew. If he'd had any strength left he would have moved then,
climbed from the bed, tucked himself back and sent Alex away.
Salvaging what little pride he had left. Knowing that Alex would
only look at him and shake his head. As if to tell him he could
wait, because it was only a matter of time. It was going to happen.
It had always been going to happen.



How could he resist this? Alex's thumb branding a line down his
cheek, tracing the shape of his lips with such care? His hot, moist
breath warming the back of his neck as he breathed against him. His
soft, persuasive mouth hovering above his skin, making it tingle and
twitch in anticipation. The hard- bunched muscles, and the strength
of his grip that told him this was a man, not a woman doing this to
him



How could he say he wasn't enjoying this when his heart was racing
with the exhilaration of it all and those gasping and moaning sounds
were coming from his own mouth?



Cradled in strength and heat William let go, as Alex held him and
kissed him and told him over and over that everything was going to
be alright. He came down to the soothing sensation of Alex's fingers
rubbing lightly over his back, his heartbeat gradually returning to
normal, and he found himself relaxing completely for the first time
in a very long time. And just then, he knew that he was loved and
that he was safe and that for now nothing mattered but this.



Taking a moment to catch his breath he bowed to the inevitable and
let himself be gathered up and held, like lovers do.



His breathing stilled and he drifted off to sleep with the
beginnings of a poem forming in his mind. A poem about quiet secrets
and unbearable ecstasy. About finding something you'd thought you'd
lost. About revelations and trust. And he hoped that Alex wouldn't
break his heart because it was a fragile thing and now that he'd
given it he couldn't take it back. Now that he'd taken this step he
could only go forward and trust that what they were doing was right.
Because love conquered all didn't it? That's what they said.



He knew that Alex was still awake and he wondered if the same
questions were going through his mind. They'd have to battle
prejudice and stand proud against the scorn and disgust of people
who would never condone this. Or they could skulk in the shadows,
taking what they could whenever they thought no one was looking.
Denying to the world that such a love could exist.



And he already knew which one it would be. No one would understand
this, and they'd never have the blessing of a society that thought
this was so wrong that you should be punished for it.



So it would be whispered promises, secrets in dark corners and the
unbearable ache of knowing that something is so near and yet
unattainable.



He sighed drowsily, moving his head against Alex's gently caressing
hand, and thought that it would just have to be enough. Because,
romantic fool that he was, it was already more than he'd ever hoped
for.

tbc.....

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