Filk

The Way it Might Go

Part 1: She Said
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all the characters in this story.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: B/S

I've been thinking about it--a lot--and I gotta say that it's his lower lip.

I've been carrying around this list in my head: Things About Spike That Keep Me
from Staking Him.

His cheekbones are right up there, along with the way his hair curls outta
control if he's not real vigilant with the comb and the gel. And his hands-not
too big or meaty, but long fingers. Nice. Long. Fingers.

And his physical proportions--I mean, gotta love his shoulder-to-hip
ratio...really impressive.

And his eyes, of course, but I try to avoid 'em when I can--they tend to
short-circuit the whole 'thinking coherently' thing. So I end up staring at
this mouth when I have to be looking at him-and sometimes even when I don't
HAVE TO be looking at him. And that's how I noticed his lower lip.

It's really very expressive, you know? Like he can say whole paragraphs with
the way he holds it, or sucks on it, or pouts. And it looks so soft.

Now, I'm not really big with the biting--never got into it, 'cause it had a
tendency to make Angel jumpy and one time he even vamped out on me from just
one little nibble on his earlobe. And Riley-well, the less said about THAT, the
better. But I think I could really get into sinking my teeth into Spike's lower
lip.

Which will never happen, of course. And I wouldn't even be telling you this if
I weren't gonna dust you in a little while, anyway.

Ever since he told me he loved me-before that, even--I've been thinking about
what it would be like. I mean, if we called a time-out and just went for it. We
had a time-out once before--but that was to save the world and this would be
just to...relieve tension.

It's not like we're still mortal enemies or anything. He's really just a pain
in the ass now, when he's not helping out. And I appreciate all the help-age--I
really do, but I just can't go there again--me and vampire-screwing are not
mix-y. Last time it nearly ended the world and ultimately sent Angel to hell,
and the whole thing just gives me a major wiggins.

So, that pretty much leads me to my question--the reason you're still undead
rather than dusty. And I expect an honest answer, 'cause...well...I should have
staked you months ago and I didn't, so you owe me.

What's he like in bed?

I'm thinking he's really passionate, right? In an 'I'm gonna devour you' kind
of way. Is he a talker? I mean, you know, like--'talk dirty to me, baby?' Is he
a moaner--or, I guess he'd be a growler, huh?

Does he have a favorite position? I ask, 'cause with Angel, it was pretty much
over before it even started, and with Riley-well, like I said, let's not even
go there. I'll say this much, though--I learned to be a great little actress
with Riley Finn.

Does he do kinky? I've never-but I'm...intrigued...I guess. I mean, I know
Drusilla was into the whole S and M scene--and he DID chain me to a wall,
which, if I hadn't been so pissed off, I might have actually liked.

What about after? Is he a cuddler, or a turn-over-and-snore kinda guy? Does he
send flowers the next day?

OK, time's up. I'm gonna remove the gag, and you're gonna talk-answer all my
questions. And then, I'm gonna stake you, 'cause--well, 'cause you deserve it.

Hey! You? How long have YOU been lurking there--and don't give me that whole
'hanging about is a different vibe' thing--you were listening, weren't you?
Well, I knew you were there all the time! YES, I DID!

Back off, Spike. One more step and I'll...don't you laugh at me! Stop it! STOP!
LET GO OF ME!!

I'm warning you, Spike, take your
hands...off...me...I...you...mmmfpmmmpffmmm...who gave you permission to kiss
me? Don't! Hey, that was a brand new shirt! You're gonna pay for that,
you...oh, god...your hands are SO cold...

Hey, watch the bite, FangFace...I know, just be careful...mmmhmm...yeah...oh!

Wait! Hold it! We are NOT doing this!

At least, not in front of her...I don't care...yeah, I'm sure you DO perform
better in front of an audience, but this whole thing is already too perverted.

Untie her, let her go.

Harmony--just get out of town, OK? I don't care where you go, although I'd
avoid L.A.--what the hell were you thinking, anyway? Get lost and stay lost,
and if you EVER breathe...er...mention a word of this to ANYONE...

Is she gone?

OK, look, we gotta talk about this--I mean, it's important that you
understand...this is just a one-time thing--a time-out, like before, only
without the whole 'Acathla's gonna suck the world into hell' aspect.

Ooooh...that's nice...mmmm...so, um...are you gonna lose the coat and boots,
or...yeah, better.

DON'T rip it--are you always this impatient? Just gimme a
sec...there...now...mmmpfmmmppppfff...

I DO NOT talk too much! So I'm a little nervous, OK? It's been months and
months for me...aah...aaaah...that's so...

Ooooh...hey...lose the jeans, Spike...come on, what're you hiding under there?

Wow...um...(gulp)...you're really...like I said, been a while--you'll, um, take
it slow, right?

MMmmmm...oh...yeahyeahyeah...right there...ahh...oh, god, your mouth is even
colder...your tongue...ohgodohgodohgodrighttheredon'tstoppleasepleasepleasehey!

Where're you going? Get back down there...oh...yeah, ok...yeah, like that? You
like that? Mmmmmm...is that good? Ooooo... your eyes are all yellow...ok,
sorry, I'll shut up now...

Mmmmm...what's the matter? Already? Where's all that master-vampire
self-control? Ok, fine, have it your way...

Ouch! Didn't have to flip me QUITE so hard, BeastieBoy-yeah, I'm ok...I...oh!
Oh...oh...that's...careful, slowly...aaahhhhhhh...ohmygod...yeah, it's
ok...it's so very ok...come here...kiss me...

Sorry! Got carried away...don't be such a baby, I didn't even draw blood...

Mmm...oh...yeah...just like that, but...harder...harder! OhMYGOD!
HARDERMOREMORE! OHGODI'MGONNA...AH-AH-AH-OOOOOOHHHHHH...

Oh, god, that was…hey did you BITE ME?

No, it's OK...felt, um...good...but if you tell anybody, I'll deny it. In fact,
if you tell anybody ANYTHING about this, I'll deny it and then I'll kick your
ass...so, are you gonna lick it off, or what? Mmmm...that's nice...

Well, now that my curiosity is satisfied, I'll probably be staking you the next
time I see you...oh, I'm just kidding, quit pouting. Or, actually, come here
with that lower lip…

Part 2: He Said
Author: VicNoir

Well, well, well. What have we here?

Hi there, Harm.

Hello, Cutie. Surprised to see me?

Yeah, luv, I heard it all-every dirty bit of it. You've quite a filthy little
mind, Slayer.

Oh, you knew, huh? Did not. Now hold still so I can give you a proper
demonstration that'll answer all those nagging questions you've got about me
an' my...preferences.

Oh, put that bloody thing away. You don't want to stake me...you want to shag
me, don't you, pet? Said so yourself.

Give us a kiss, ducks.

Whoops! Don't make skimpy little cotton shirts the way they used to, do they?
No pride of craftsmanship...

Mmm...yeah, sorry about the frosty fingers, there, luv. You'll get used to it.

Oh, come on, I barely nipped you...

What NOW?!?

Oh, don't mind her-she won't bother us, will you Harm? Besides, I do my best
work with someone watchin'...

Oh, all RIGHT! Anyone ever tell you you're a right bossy bitch, Slayer?

Yeah, she's all gone...now, where were we...

Oh, for pity's sake, Slayer...

Yeah, I get it. Just a one-time thing. Now can we PLEASE cut the chatter an'
get on with the bleedin' sexual encounter? I've places to be this evenin'...

Hmmm? Right. Give us half a mo'-damn boots are a pain in the arse...

Where's the zipper on these, luv? No, I won't tear them, I just want 'em OFF...

Come here...oh, will you SHUT UP! Yes, I am impatient, and you talk too damn
bloody much!

No need to be nervous, pet. Easy now. Does that feel good?

Mmm, Slayer-you're so soft...who'd have thought something so fierce would be
covered in so much softness...right, can you reach the buckle? Good girl...

No worries, luv. Won't hurt you...unless you ask very politely. Now scoot up a
bit.

You like that? Yeah, that's it...mmmhmm...be sure to tell Harris I said that
YOU'RE the original nummy treat...regular gourmet meal...is that the
spot...right...there?

Easy there, ducks. Time to reciprocate.

Yeah...oh, fuck...yeah, just like that...that's so sweet...

How you do natter on, Slayer...

Ohmygodstop...STOP! Gonna make me go off like a rocket, you keep that up...

Sorry, didn't mean to...are you OK?

Easy, now, deep breath...that's it...oh god you're so...is it-is it all right?

OUCH! Easy with the lip!

Yeah, like that? More?

Oh, fuck, you're so tight...you're on fire...more? Harder? Yeah, I can do
harder...

Fuckin'christonableedin'cross...oh, Slayer...aaaarrrrAAAARRGGHHHRRRAAARRGGHH...

Hmmm? Er...yeah...I guess I did...sorry, can't really control that very
well...did it hurt?

That's good...no, it wouldn't do to have the whole of Sunnydale knowin' that
the Slayer likes to get bit whilst she's comin,' would it?

Can I? Haven't had my supper yet...

Oh, bloody hell, MUST you bring up stakin' me when I'm tryin' to enjoy the
afterglow? Bloody well ruins the mood...

I'm NOT pouting...master vampires DON'T POUT!

Oh, all right, since you put it that way...

Part 3: They Said
Author: VicNoir
Author's note: the symbol (~) denotes Buffy's voice.

Well, if it isn't the Slayer. Again.

~Are you stalking me?

I fancy it's the other way 'round, pet.

~What're you doing here, then?

What's it look like?

~You've got hot sauce on your chin.

Care to lick it off, then?

~Swine.

Shrew.

~Did Harmony leave town?

An' do I look like her keeper?

~She wasn't staying with you?

Are you daft?

~Then you two aren't an item anymore.

I repeat: are you daft?

~So.

Yeah?

~You wanna...um...?

Where?

~Alley. Five minutes.

Make it three.

Part 4: They Said (2)

You're late.

~ There was line for the ladies' room.

Bad form to keep a bloke waitin', Slayer.

~Maybe I'm worth waiting for.

That remains to be seen, pet.

~Didn't hear any complaints last time.

Could've been beginner's luck.

~Like to test that theory? Hey, careful! I swear to god, if you ruin another
shirt...

Buy yourself some proper rags, then.

~Oh, like I'm SO gonna take fashion advice from a ...oh...god...don't your
fingers ever get any warmer?

SOME parts of you seem to like it well enough...lord, Slayer, you could cut
glass with these...

~That's just a natural reaction to--why'd you stop? What're you doing down
there?

Lookin' for the...oh, for pity's sake, button-fly?

~It's not like I was expecting to--here, let me get it.

That's it. What--no knickers?

~I like to be prepared.

But you just said--

~Yeah, well, I say a lot of things, don't I? Ouch! A little less pinchy,
please.

You never leave off with the bitch an' moan, do you?

~Yup, that's me, Bitch-and-Moan Girl--oooooh, yeah, that's nice...

Like that, do you? An' this?

~Mmmm...

How 'bout this?

~Yeah...just a little...bit...higher...

Right there?

~OH! Oh god that's gonna make me...

Down, girl, not without me--

~Hurry up!

Bossy bitch. Hold still, then.

~God, Spike, aren't you even gonna kiss me first?

Didn't realize it was an option.

~What does THAT mean?

Nothin'. Forget it.

~Tell me what you meant.

Cor, Slayer, can we shag now an' talk later? My wrinklies are fit to bust...

~Spill it, Fang Boy, or I'll--

You'll what? Walk away? Like to see you try.

~I can walk away anytime I--OH! Damn it, Spike, that hurt!

Did it? Sorry, luv. Want me out, then?

~No, don't...I mean...it just took me by surprise and...you're, like, twice the
size of...I mean...never mind.

They don't call me the Big Bad for nothin', ducks.

~Yeah, well, size isn't everything, you know...technique counts too
and...and...

Shhhhhhh. Technique, eh? How's THAT for technique? An' THAT?
An' THIS?

~Yeah...oh...ahahah...

Crikey, pet, you're like a bleedin' vice...

~Been working...on my...muscle tone...

I'd fancy...watchin' you...work on...this...particular...muscle
group...sometime...

~What...do you think...I'm doing...right...now?

Then I'm just a...handy...training device?

~Something...like that... Oh, crap...somebody's coming...

Yeah...that'd be me...in about half a 'mo...

~Stop! Just...hold still for a second...

You're kiddin', right?

~Let go of me--put me down. And put that away. Geez, it's my
neighbor--Mrs....oh, what's-her-name...

Who gives a flyin'--

~Shut up!

Oh, for the love of--

~Good evening, Mrs. Allen! Nice night for a walk, huh?

I hope you aren't expectin' me to WALK, pet, 'cause that's just not--

~SHH! Yes, I'm fine--oh, yeah, this is...this is Billy. Billy...um...Williams.
He's my...um...personal trainer.

Part 5: They Said (3/?)

Bloody hell! Cow must weigh twenty stone.

~Yeah, well, you made her faint, you get to carry her.

How’d I know she’d go all limp-like at the sight of a bit of fang?

~Here, this is the house. Just dump her on the porch and let’s—

You’re gonna just leave her out here? What would your Watcher think?

~Yeah, you’re right. Don’t know what I was thinking.

Methinks you’re slippin’, Slayer.

~Must have something to do with the company I’m keeping. Put her down in that chair and stay out of sight. I’ll ring the bell.

~Um…Hi, Mr. Allen…um, we…that is, I found Mrs. Allen—no, no she’s fine…she’s just…sleeping. In an alley, behind The Bronze…no, I don’t know if she’s been drinking…I really need to get going. Sure thing. Glad to help. G’night, Mr. Allen.

Well done, pet.

~Just shut up, Spike. By this time tomorrow that poor woman’s gonna be in rehab somewhere and all because you couldn’t keep Mr. Bumpy-Forehead in check.

I was under extreme duress, luv. Speakin’ of which, I know a quiet little out-of-the-way crypt near-by where we can continue—

~You’re kidding, right? I’m going home. Gonna take a shower and climb into bed and pretend the last forty-eight hours ever happened. I suggest you do the same.

You can do that? Toddle on home without another thought?

~In a heartbeat, Spike. G’night.

Right then. Just one thing.

~What? Hey! Let go!

That kiss you were beggin’ for earlier—

~I was NOT begging! I would NEVER—

MMPFMMMMMPPPPFmmpffffmmm…mmmm….hmmm…

Now, ducks, what were you sayin’ about a shower?

Part 6: They Said, (4/4)

~SHHHHH! SHUT UP! Honestly, Spike, if you wake Dawn up, I’ll—

You’ll what? Stake me? You got a stake tucked away somewhere out of sight?

~Spike—careful, it’s slippery—

Must be hidin’ it up in here, then, eh?

~OOOH! Don’t! Get your hand out of…don’t…I…I’m gonna fall—

Lean against the tile, luv. That’s my girl. Mind the showerhead.

~Oh, god…

Not here at present, pet. Just me, an’ you, an’—look! A rubber ducky!

~It’s Dawn’s. Could you move just a little to the left—

Like that?

~MY left—

Oh…better?

~Yeah, oh yeah…that’s…

What smells like ice cream?

~Huh?

There’s a definite scent of ice cream…

~Oh, um, vanilla body wash. Here, you wanna try…?

Maybe later. Turn ‘round, pet.

~What? Why? Oh, OK. Wait! Before we…I want to talk about—

That’s it! I’m done!

~Hey! Where’re you going?!?

To find a quiet spot for a nice toss off, before I rupture somethin’.

~But…why?

Why? Oh, I don’t know…maybe I just don’t fancy this shade of navy on my knackers.

~But it goes so well with your eyes…

You’re a right evil bitch, aren’t you?

~I’m sorry—really, I am. Get back in here.

If I do, it won’t be to chat, Slayer. Consider yourself fairly warned.

~Nope. Shag now, chat later. Promise.

Turn ‘round then. Brace yourself a bit. Good girl. Up you go.

~Ahhhhhh…nice…that’s…nice…

You’ve a truly... award-winning…vocabulary there, Slayer.

~Could you…possibly…turn off…the sarcasm…for the next…five minutes…?

Sorry, pet…don’t think…I’ll last…five minutes…

~Oh god…touch…touch me…please…

There?

~OhhhhOHHHHH….Spike…

Buffy! I need…can I…

~Don’t take…too much…OHMYGODI’MAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

GrrrrRAAAGHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhRRRRRRRRRRRAhhhhhhhhhhhh…

*************

We’ve used up the hot water, pet.

~Mmmmm…I don’t wanna move yet. Am I still bleeding?

Turn your head then. No, all nicely coagulated.

~Are you still hungry?

Are you offerin’?

~I was thinking more like, I don’t know, popcorn? We could see what’s on TV…

Slayer! Is this a date?

~Dream on, Bleach Boy. Besides, doesn’t the sex usually come at the end of the date?

No matter. Sun’ll be up soon, anyway. Where’d my other boot get to?

~Spike?

Yeah?

~Nothing.

Right.

~I’ll see you…around?

Count on it, cutie.

END of ‘They Said’ Section. Potential for sequels: excellent.