Not a Creature Was Stirring

AUTHOR: Perletwo
SUMMARY: A Mr. Gordo fic for Evenstar's Christmas challenge.

SPOILERS: Bring On the Night. Obviously, I've moved it forward a little in time. Sue me.

RATING: G 

A/N: Propers to Colleen for starting the whole Mr. Gordo thing, go here to see how: http://www.channelingboards.com/Fanfiction/pig.html - and to Tara for administratressing the site it's on. Check out the site to see why. :-) And of course, bigbigthanks to Evenstar for the Christmas present site!

DISCLAIMERS: Joss is God! Mutant Enemy *rocks*! Grr, arrgh! (please don't sue me, 'k?)

From my place on the corner triangle shelf my girl put up for me across from the bed after she moved us to the bigger world where Rusty and the Quiet One used to sleep, I can see Girl sitting on the bed. She's colored her face very funny. I thought the color was supposed to go in a half-circle *above* her eyes? But I could be wrong.

She's listening to the big ones talking about her in the world at the bottom of the stairs. She looks so sad....

She hasn't looked this sad in a long time, not since before the yellow one came back. And now Yellow's gone away again.

I think I'm very very worried.

Girl left to go down the stairs again, and it got very quiet for a little bit after that.

Now she's back up here with me, and there's a new girl with her. My girl calls her Kenny-Dee. She's pretty, with dark skin and eyes and fur and a top covering in the same soft blue material as the clothes on her legs. Not as pretty as my girl, but what can you do?

Kenny-Dee and Girl hunt around in the closet and pull out all sorts of blankets and pillows and warm nightclothes, and stack them up on the bed. Girl picks up the stack while Kenny-Dee does a last look around the room, and then she plucks me up off the shelf and puts me on top of the stack in Girl's arms. My girl smiles. I like when she does that.

Wheee! Girl's having a sleepover, and I get to go with! That's so fun!

My girl stays downstairs with Kenny-Dee and another new girl called Mawl-ee for a long time, talking quietly. Kenny-Dee sounds like my girl and her friends, but Mawl-ee talks like my other girl Drooo, only not sad like Drooo. Mawl-ee sounds scared, but not sad.

They all sound scared, come to think of it. Even my girl.

After awhile they all start yawning big big yawns. Girl gives Kenny-Dee and Mawl-ee each a hug, and she gives me a hug *and* a kiss! Ha. Girl loves me best!

Girl gives me to Kenny-Dee to hug and cuddle. Mawl-ee's got the bear off Girl's bed, but Girl doesn't even give him a glance as she starts up the stairs. Double ha. Girl *so* loves me best!

Once she's gone, the bear and the new girls and I all snuggle down into our nest of sheets and blankets on the floor. Kenny-Dee cuddles me close to her front, and I can hear her front go thumpythumpythumpy very very fast.

She'll never get to sleep that way. Maybe if I sing to her?

"Silent night, holy night...All is calm, all is bright..."

Finally everybody is quiet and still, and it's dark in the world below the stairs. It's nice.

Until the noises started up above us!

Thumpetabumpetaclinklebump!

Oh well. Girl and her Skoobie friends will come running down the stairs to check on us, all ready to fight, any minute now. They always do!

Only nothing happens, and the thumpetabumpetaclinklebump sounds again. Kenny-Dee and Mawl-ee don't move at all. Oh dear....

A glow starts on one wall, and comes down and out through the little hole in the wall with the frame around it. Suddenly there's an awful noise and even more light, and when it dies down there's a big plant with colored lights on it in one corner of the room! It's pretty, but I'm pretty sure Girl and Brown Fur didn't put it there this time....

The glow starts again, and there's a big white-furred one in red clothes in the middle of the room! He shakes his head and goes "Ho-ho-ho," then opens a little black pouch on his big belt and pulls out a little hand-held pew-ter like Rusty Fur uses.

Girl! Help! There's a stranger in the house!

He stops poking buttons on the pew-ter and looks at me. ::gulp:: Girl?

"Now now, Mr. Gordo. I'm no stranger, surely?"

Ummm. You can - hear me?

He laughs and nods.

"Well of course! After all, I made you, didn't I?"

You did?

"Don't you remember me, Mr. Gordo? Think alllll the way back."

I stare hard at him. He *does* seem familiar...

Oh! I know! You gave me my girl! It was a long long time ago, and there was a plant with colored lights like this!

He nods. "Of course! You'd been a very good pig, and she'd been a very good girl, so I gave you each other." The man laughs again, making his big belly shake. "One of my better matchups it's turned out to be, too."

So you're not here to - hurt anybody?

"Nope. And they won't ever wake up and see me here. It's magic, you see. Now then...these two are pretty easy..."

He punches a few more buttons on the pew-ter, reads and nods. Then a bright light glows in the air in front of him and a shiny double-bladed ax appears, and a red ribbon around the handle appears right after. "There. That takes care of Miss Kennedy." A fuzzy sweater dress appears, folds itself and a box and wrapping paper appear around it. "And young Molly." He puts both presents under the big plant.

"And Annabel -"

Anny-bell? I haven't seen anyone called that around here.

He looks at me kind of funny, and then his pew-ter dings. He pushes a button, waits a minute until it dings again and then reads it. "Ahhh, I hate downloading these last-minute updates. Makes it so hard to keep track of the lists...All right, let's delete Annabel."

White Fur pushes some more buttons and stares at the pew-ter thoughtfully. "Quite a mixed bunch you've got here in your world, Mr. Gordo."

Thank you. I like them.

"Let's see. This one's easy enough at least. Nice." A heavy drill set appears, boxes and wraps itself. "Xander Harris. And this young lady - a few slips, but all in all basically nice." A pretty silky dress and lace sweater appear, and a book that says "Cooking for Dummies," and box themselves up. "Dawn."

Both go under the tree, and he returns to studying his thingie. "The Watcher has been good, certainly. His list is a bit difficult, what with all that's been going on lately, but..." He concentrates hard, and a big old book and some files appear. A ribbon wraps around them and ties itself in a bow. "Giles."

"Oh, now *these* two were very, very bad indeed this year. Mass murder? Trying to end the world?"

Oh! Oh no! They're nice girls, really. They just were too sad to be good. Rusty Fur lost her bestest friend in the whole wide world!

"Hmm." He pushes a button, and reads what comes up on the screen. "Here it is. Tara McClay. Oh, the poor thing."

The Quiet One? Or Rusty Fur?

"Both, I expect," he sighs. Closes his eyes, and a small orange cat appears, and a cage around it. "Willow."

And the many-colored-furred one's here with my girl now, isn't she? Isn't that good?

"Well, according to this, she *did* renounce her naughty ways. And was made to suffer greatly for it. Ah well..." A set of candles and magic charms appears, then the box and paper. "Anya."

White Fur paces, and reads the screen on his pew-ter again and again.

"Ahhh, Mr. Gordo. Your girl's been good this year, but it was so much simpler when all she had on her list was a stuffed pig....There's only one thing she really wants, but oh my it's going to be difficult...all the energies and concentration and rearranging of reality...has she *really* been *that* good?!"

I'm about to speak up for my girl when the little pew-ter goes ding again. He pushes some buttons. "What, *another* update? Gracious, these people's cemeteries should have revolving doors!" Another ding, and he reads the update. "Ah. Here we go...William...Another repentance?...ah well. Two nice people want the same thing, who am I to argue?"

White Fur starts to glow, and the glow grows brighter and brighter until it envelopes the whole world with walls.

There's another great big thumpetabumpeta, and when the glow dies away, there's a body lying in front of the big plant with colored lights.

It's Yellow! He's asleep! And he's all covered in ouchies!

White Fur bends down and pats him around the neck and shoulders. "No pulse of course, but that's normal," he says. "Ah well, I suppose you'll do until morning, my boy. You two be good for each other, you understand?"

I understand! I will!

He smiles and does that "ho-ho-ho" thing again. "I meant your Girl, Mr. Gordo. But you can certainly help them be good!"

Then the big one with white fur lays a gloved finger alongside of his nose, and winks at me. A glow surrounds him again, and when my eyes go back to normal, he's gone. But the big plant with colored lights and the presents are still there, and so is Yellow.

Kenny-Dee and Mawl-ee shift and stir a little in their sleep, the unnatural stillness broken with White Fur's departure, and I snuggle in close. My big ears just barely pick up a faint "Merry Christmas!" from somewhere above us, but I'm too sleepy to care.

A tremblor shook the ground in Sunnydale Christmas morning, radiating outward from a subterranean cavern filled with a towering rage.

A/N: See Mr. Gordo's Christmas card at http://perletwo.home.mindspring.com/buffy/gordoxmas.html