No Souvenirs
AUTHOR: Perletwo
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Something Blue, Harsh Light of Day
A/N: a/n: written as a backup fic for the Mister Gordo ficathon. sp23's
request was for Spike, no angst, no Buffy/Angel. Easy peasy.
My world isn't my world anymore, really. My Girl and her friend
Rusty Fur are just staying here for a little while so they can go to Skool.
There are people everywhere on the other side of the walls, and my goodness they
make a lot of noise!
Girl doesn't spend as much time with me anymore as she did when we lived with
our Big One. But when she does hold me and play with me, she snuggles me extra
extra hard these days.
I think she misses our old world, and our Big One. I know I do.
****************************************
It's dark and twinkly outside the window, and I'm waiting for Girl to come home
for sleepytime.
The door to our new world opens and slams against the wall. It shakes the bed so
I roll over, and I see a new Boy, a pale one with yellow fur. I didn't know they
made fur that color!
The Yellow One slams the door shut and stalks into our world. He's wearing a
long robe like the one Girl takes into the Water Room with her, only his is
heavy and black. It sweeps and swishes around him as he moves from one side of
our world to the other.
"All ri', Slayer, this isn't funny anymore. Where'd you put it?" he
mumbles. He's poking through Girl's books and papers for Skool. Then he starts
picking up all the clothes Girl left on the bed with me and shaking them. I
don't think I like this!
Yellow stops shaking things when he picks up a ruffly orange skirt and holds it
up. His head moves over to one side and his eyes get all soft and fuzzy like our
Big One's do just before she smiles, only Yellow never quite gets to the smiling
part. He drops down onto the bed and makes it bounce. I go up just a little bit
in the air and land in the dip where he's sitting, and rollllll until I come to
a stop against his leg.
"Wot's this then? Oh." He picks me up and holds me in one hand. He's
still holding Girl's skirt in the other. "Sorry t'disturb yer beauty sleep,
Porky."
That's MISTER GORDO, buster!
He puts me down on his leg and starts poking through the bowl on Girl's bedside
table, where she puts her ear rings and neck laces and such before sleepytime.
For a minute I'm worried he's going to take things from my girl, but he always
puts everything back with a shake of his head. It's kinda pretty seeing all the
twinkly things behind the window make Girl's decorations sparkle when he holds
them up.
Yellow sighs and shakes his head, then picks me up again. "Oi. Piggie. You
wouldn't'a 'appened to see a ring anywhere around here, woulja? Big, silver,
with a skull on it? Not the Slayer's usual style, woulda stuck out like a sore
thumb 'round here."
I blink - to myself of course, my eyes don't really move like Girl's old dollies
sometimes did. No, I haven't seen anything like that, Yellow One, I try to tell
him. Do sore thumbs really stick out? I've never had one.
Yellow looks kind of funny. His face squinches up and he shakes it like his fur
is wet. He looks like he's about to say something back when the door flies open
again.
****************************************
"All right, Spike. You've got five seconds to get off my bed and out of my
room or you'll be leaving it in a dustpan." Girl has one of her big pointy
sticks in her hand, and she kicks the door shut and starts toward the Yellow
One. Golly she looks mad!
Yellow doesn't seem to mind. In fact, one corner of his mouth kind of perks up
when she comes in, almost like he's trying not to smile. He looks her up and
down and snorts. "Big night out, Pet? Tell me you're not just poppin' in
t'change into *this,* Slayer." He waves the ruffly orange skirt at her.
"That - that's stack's for the Goodwill, for your information. And why am I
even telling you this?" She sits down at the bottom of the bed.
Yellow smirks at her. "Took my advice, did you, pet?"
Girl rolls her eyes at him. "Yeah. Sure, Spike. 'Cause you're so obviously
on the cutting edge of fashion." She snatches the skirt out of his hand and
tosses it back onto the bed. One of his eye lines goes up and she shrugs.
"Let's just say, polishing off four cartons of double fudge ripple
Haagen-Dazs and then going shopping right after your quasi-boyfriend drops you
is *not* a good idea. Normally I'd've had Willow for a wing man, but, well,
y'know. College."
The yellow one snorts. "That li'l peckerwood inspired *that* grave fashion
error? Really, pet, how'd you ever expect to slay in that? Might as well've just
topped it off with one of those puffy orange vests an' a hat that flashes
"BITE ME!""
Girl looks at him kind of funny. "You've been giving my wardrobe waaaay too
much thought, Buster. The dustpan's lookin' better and better to me all the
time."
Yellow snorts again. "I spend all day chained up in a bathtub listening to
Watcher Boy blast hippie sludge-rock crap at full volume and sucking on a bong.
What would *you* do to stave off the boredom?"
"Eww. Eww eww eww EWW. BAD mental place!" Girl makes a terrible face,
the kind our Big One used to say would freeze that way. Stop that, Girl!
"Oh well. Stupid of me to think I could ever land a nice, normal guy,
anyway. Probably got what I deserved."
Yellow's face softens, and for a minute I think he's going to hug her. Yes! Hug
her, Yellow One! Or at least give me to her so I can hug her! But then he stops
and kind of freezes up, and looks tough again.
"Listen, Slayer. That was not a nice normal guy. Knew a good 'alf-dozen
just like 'im at school. 'E's more like one'a them stupid safari hunters that go
shoot poor stupid tamed-down wild animals so they'll have a hide to put on their
walls, y'know? I 'ad 'is number in two seconds flat." His head goes
sidewise again. "Howcome you didn't?"
"I - um -" Girl's turning red. I don't like this.
"Oh. My. God. Big bad Slayer Girl learned everything she knows about men
from ANGEL?" Yellow hoots, and Girl starts to look mad again.
"All right, Spike. That's IT. Tell me what you came here for and then get
out." She pulls out her pointy stick again and points it at him. "In
fact, don't even bother with why you came here, Spike. Just. Get. Out."
Yellow grins. "Now now, Slayer, no need t'be gettin' yer knickers in a
twist. Just wanted my ring back is all. 'And it over an' I'll be on my merry
way."
"I threw it out." Girl grins, looking mean somehow, and Yellow's mouth
drops open.
"You - you - " His eyes are big and his mouth keeps opening and
closing and opening again."
"Trash trucks empty out the dumpster in about three hours, Spike, you
better hurry." He rushes for the door, but she slams it shut before he can
get out. Yellow grins, but Girl puts the pointy stick to his front again.
"Pig. Mine. NOW."
He grins and hands me over. "Can't blame a guy for tryin', Slayer."
And then he's gone, running for the Dump Stir.
****************************************
One she's sure the Yellow One is gone, Girl flops down on the bed and hugs me
tight.
"Ohhhhh, Mister Gordo. That - stupid - vampire - drives me CRAZY!" she
humpphs, and snuggles her chin down against the top of my head. Through her
shirt I can feel a Neck Lace and a big bumpy thing pressing into my side.
I didn't tell Yellow a fib, exactly. I really haven't seen a big silver skull
ring in Girl's bowl with the other decorations. 'Cause she never takes it off to
put it in the bowl.
Not that I'd tell the Yellow One that, of course. My Girl likes his ring too
much. I can tell. Sometimes when she's snuggling down in bed for sleepytime
she'll hold the Neck Lace up and let the ring swing back and forth so it shines
from the twinkly things outside.
Those times, she smiles.
I like it when she does that.