With A Song In My Stuffing
Author: Colleen
Summary:
Here's my entry, for Tista, who wanted:
Spike getting to know a different side of Buffy through interaction with Gordo.
I would love to see Gordo's reaction to the musical and/or singing or music in
general.
No B/A or slash. Here ya go, Tista.
My world has been very quiet. I sit up here where Girl left me, looking down on
her world with walls. Nobody talks to me. She doesn't talk to me.
She was gone away for a long time. For a long time, the cold one, the toy who
looked like Girl lay there, but she didn't talk to me. Sometimes the brown fur
girl would come and lie down beside her. She would hold her and cry. It made me
sad. Where was my girl?
Then, one day, my girl came back. I was so happy! But she did not even seem to
notice me. She is very quiet, except when it is dark, and I hear her cry. Why
does the dark time make everyone cry? Sometimes I want to cry too.
‘I sit on my shelf
I'm all by myself
Does Girl even know I am here?
But I'm just a pig
I'm not very big
I miss her, I wish she was near.
The saddest thing is being alone.
The saddest thing is being unknown.
I wish she would stay,
I wish she would play,
My one Girl I'll always hold dear.'
That was very strange. I heard music, but Brown Fur was not here with her music
making box. I was making mouth music, too. I have never done that before. Long
ago, my Girl would lie on her bed making sounds like that. "La, la... I
touch myself..." but it has been a very long while.
I once knew a purple puppy who made sounds like that, when Girl squeezed his
ear. After awhile he stopped. The Big One who used to be here said his bat her
eyes had run down. I don't think I have bat her eyes.
Girl is here! Girl, come and play with me!
She is! She is picking me up and cuddling me. I am so happy. Oh, Girl, do you
still love me? She is sitting down and hugging me. And... the mouth music again.
‘I think I remember the songs of the angels
Whispering through the heavenly trees
I think I remember the laughter of children
The deep crystal lake and the cool summer breeze.
I think I remember the eyes of my mother
The touch of her hand, the warmth of her smile
Enfolding me as I eternally rested
United forever to sleep with her child.
But that's all gone to hell.
I wish I could get back there.
This world's a clanging bell
It's breaking me, I don't care.
I think that I want to fall into his arms
I see in his eyes a compassion, a passion
I wish I could feel the love that he seems to
It might feel like heaven, well after a fashion.
But he's a child of hell
I have to reign him back there.
He's evil, I can tell
Let him believe I don't care.
Oh, Gordo, don't you see?
There's nothing here for me.'
Don't cry girl. My fur is getting wet, but I don't mind. Just hold me and don't
feel sad. I am here for you.
Oh, look at the window. It's Yellow. He's watching us. He looks sad too. Yellow
and I both love you. And Brown Fur does too. Don't go away again.
Come in, Yellow. Cuddle with us and make Girl feel better.
Girl doesn't see him. She's dropping me on the floor, wiping her eyes and
leaving. I guess Yellow will go too.
No, he's not. He climbed in the window and he's picking me up. Come on, Yellow.
Let's go get Girl.
But he isn't. He's sitting down, and he's putting me down beside him. Maybe he's
come to take some more of her body coverings. It's been a long time since he did
that. I don't think she minded. They were very little ones.
That's funny. Yellow is smelling me. It tickles. He's making a big sad noise,
but he's not crying, and it's not the mouth music. No, wait, I spoke too soon.
‘I'm an idiot,
A broken man,
Not even a man,
Just a thing.
But when I look into her eyes, I see a world unfold before me
I feel that poncy little poet stir inside my heart
I want to love her and protect her and set her spirit free
I want to be a man, a good man, but I don't know where to start
If she'd just let me.'
I think Yellow is very sad. Oh, now he's picking me up again. He squeezes very
tight.
‘You're just a children's toy
A pink stuffed pig
A foolish thing
Just a thing
But when she holds you in her arms I see a tenderness inside her
I see her giving love to you like I will never know
You make me wish I was a stupid piece of stuffing and fake fur
Just to have her hold me, look at me, touch me and to show
I mean something to her.'
I wish Yellow would stop swinging me around. I'm getting dizzy. I didn't know he
could dance. Aeeye... Ouch. I wish he hadn't thrown me against the wall, either.
Hey, Yellow! I'm sorry you're sad, but I didn't do anything to you. Oh, I guess
he's gone.
I wonder what will happen when Girl gets home. Will she pick me up and put me
away again? Will she leave me here?
Girl is back. Oh, she's picking me up. And she's not putting me away. She's
making the room dark and lying down. She's holding me again, and cuddling me,
and making my fur wet again.
Go to sleep, Girl. Don't cry. Make happy pictures in your head.
‘This is the time to rest, Girl
This is the time not to cry.
This is the time to remember that everyone loves you.
That I love you.
That Yellow loves you.
That Brown Fur loves you.
Do not be afraid, Girl.
Do not feel alone, Girl.
You are not alone and neither
Am
I.'