AUTHOR: Taramisu
 WRITTEN: 11/27/01
 E-MAIL: taramisu1@yahoo.com
 SUMMARY: Buffy and Spike deal with their actions in "Smashed"
 RATING: PG-13

He didn't sleep a wink for four hours. He did not dare, afraid the second he lost consciousness, the dream would end. Her head nestled itself right there in the crook of his arm, positioned perfectly to allow him to inhale the scent of her hair. God, he must have taken a million breaths just in the last ten minutes alone. With her asleep, he could deceive himself into thinking that things would finally be right this time. He carefully looked at her lips. They were curled into a faint, yet content grin. Her Slayer hardness had vanished and all that remained upon her angelic face was Buffiness. What a silly phrase he used to describe her gentle, womanly qualities. He rarely saw that side of her. The first time was on her back porch. He had come to kill her with a shotgun - but her vulnerability and humanity stopped him in his tracks. The second time was in his crypt after the Glory incident. His sacrifice for Dawn had moved her in a way he could have never dreamed, and he won himself his first kiss. And there were other incidents, but they were few and far between. His demon reminded him that this was likely to be the last. But still, here she was, snuggled warmly in his arms, breathing quietly with a grin of satisfaction upon her face. He was content to pretend she was his as long as she would let him. 

Her first thought as she climbed out of unconsciousness was vague. Not really a thought at all. More like an emotion made physical. She tried to focus on the thought, but only saw disjointed images. Pancakes with butter and maple syrup. Fresh baked bread. Christmas morning by the fireplace. The warmth of mother's embrace. The long, passionate kiss of a lover. 

Her eyes fluttered open to unfamiliar surroundings. Dust, debris, plaster and wood. Her mind slowly pieced together the circumstances that led her to this place. 

"Spike…A fight…Spike punched me…Spike punched me! Wait. Spike did more than that."

 The realization slammed into her brain like a cartoon anvil. 

"Oh, God. I had sex with Spike!" 

Then the worst comprehension of all came to her. 

"No, I made love to Spike." 

Then, the physical feeling of her body drifted into her consciousness. A pale, thin, but strong body was holding her as if she were the most precious gift on earth. His cool breath, for some strange reason, tickled her ear. She found herself afraid to move, for once she awoke, the confrontation would begin. 

"G'morning." 

Buffy froze in place. 

"I know you're awake." 

'Damn.' 

Spike sat up and carefully sat her up at the same time. "Listen. I know where this is going," Spike sneered just a bit. 

"No, I don't think you do. See…I'm…" 

He stood, giving her a perfect view of his naked form and shutting her up momentarily. "Yes, I do. Buffy, you don't know what you want. I really thought that you would admit to me, one day, that you loved me. It just isn't so, is it? You're all hung up on the fact that I'm a vampire without a soul. You can't see that what I've really become. You still think I'm a nasty, dirty thing." 

Buffy just stared at him, unbelieving. 

"Well, I may be Love's Bitch, but I'm no Poofter. I won't let you do this to me any more. I'm not a sex toy, I'm not your demon informer, I'm not even your sounding board. I'm a man who is deeply in love with you. Last night meant more to me than you could ever know..." Spike turned around, forcing the tears back. "…or will ever know. So, before you can say it, I will." He turned back to face her and took a long, deep breath. 

"This freak show is over. I'm leaving Sunnydale." 

Buffy sat silent. 

"If you ever come to your senses, I'll come back. But both you and I know that will never happen, so…" 

The quiet Slayer suddenly grabbed whatever was nearby to cover her naked body and angrily marched over to him. 

"No. You. Don't." 

"Buffy, I'm not playing the part of your puppy anymore." 

"If you really loved me, how could you leave? Haven't I had enough of that already? I thought you, of all people, would be the first to stay." Her eyes became moist. 

Spike didn't know what to think. She was, of course, right. They all left, and it was he who should be staying for the long haul. "Give me a reason…just *one* reason that I should stay here in Sunnydale. I'm hated by every single creature here, except maybe Dawn. No one wants me here, and you will never love me. So, what is there for me here?" 

"I didn't have sex with you last night, Spike." 

Spike threw his hands up, furiously. "Oh, bloody hell you did! How dare you…" And through his ranting and anger, he heard a small voice utter a small sentence which made him change his mind forever. 

"I didn't have sex with you last night…I made love to you."
 

End