Mr. Gordo, Where Are You?
(Chapter 3)
DATE: 7/03
SUMMARY: Sunnydale is at the bottom of a huge crater. Where is Mr.
Gordo?
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Chosen
A/N: Download the Scooby Doo font
Mr. MacPherson’s head had turned to the side, but Phillips still heard the sniffle and saw him wipe his nose on his suit jacket.
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Despite his excitement and joy about finding a new home where he did not have to hang from a wire, Mr. Gordo still held out hope that one day he would find his Girl. After all, they had been together for many, many years. And Girl needed friends who knew her secret identity as the Slay Her.
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Here in this new world with walls, Gordo enjoyed the seat of honor at the head of Boy’s race-car bed. This world differed considerably from the one he had grown used to. While Girl liked pink and frills and sweet smells, Boy liked blue and red and superhero action figures and balls and…smelly socks on the floor.
One day, Gordo overheard Boy and his Big One talking. Boy was so very excited as he talked about his Berth Day Partee. Berth Day?! Gordo’s ears stood on end. Berth Days were bad. Bad! Girl always said terrible things happened on her Berth Day.
That night, Gordo couldn’t sleep. Sure, Boy cuddled him nice and tight, but his head automatically filled with visions of good vampires gone bad, evil masks and Zom Bees, being locked in the house with a demon, and, well, any number of things could happen. Just then, Boy rolled over and accidentally knocked his pig to the floor. A frightened Gordo spent the night on the cold, hard floor, chewing his hooves and fearing the day to come.
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Gordo had barely drifted off when a pair of hand jarred him from his rest. “Get up, Mr. Piggy! It’s my berfday! It’s my berfday! Yay!!” Boy gathered him in his arms and danced around the world all crazy-like. It reminded him of the Dumb Dark One when he drank too much Beer.
Eventually, Boy calmed down and left their little world with walls. When he came back, hours later, he brought with him a grand smile. Grabbing Gordo from the bed by one arm, he muttered about the Gests having arrived and ran outside to join them.
When they reached their destination, Gordo momentarily forgot his apprehension and grinned from ear to ear at the sight before him. There were Boys and Girls running around, hitting a ball tied to a post. Some of the children lay in the grass, wrestling. The rest surrounded a spot with smoke rising from it. Gordo strained to see what was on fire, but the wall of children blocked his vision.
Someone announced Pin the Tail on the Don Key, and Boy set his pig down on a bench, then took off toward the Big One who held a handful of tails. Gordo wondered why anyone would pin tails on a Key named Don, but then he realized they were talking about Shiny Fur. Girl had called her a Key at one time, and he knew her name was Don. Gordo called out, “Don! Don! Shiny Fur! I am here!” But the pig got no answer.
Gordo looked around frantically in search of Shiny Fur, hyperventilating and beginning to feel lightheaded. He called out to her twice more, then stopped dead when his eyes landed on the smoking item that had previously been obscured by the kids. What Mr. Gordo saw terrified him so greatly that he had to rub his eyes with his hooves, then take another look. The sight before him did not change. Mounted on some sort of machine, a real animal pig spun around and around while a fire burned beneath him.
Yes, Gordo knew instinctively that the poor pig had already breathed his last breath, but the SA could not help but call out. “Mr. Pig. Mr. Pig! Do not worry. I will help you!” Instead of responding, the pig turned so that Gordo could see the red, singed apple shoved callously in his mouth.
An SA screamed at the top of his lungs, then fainted dead away.
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When he awoke, a half dozen or so AF faces loomed over his. He quickly sat up, looking around at his surroundings. Boy’s world with walls. He was no longer out there with the {gulp} dead pig.
GI Joe spoke first. “What is your major malfunction, soldier?!”
Luke Skywalker smacked Joe’s shoulder. “Now, let’s give the poor guy some air. He’s been through quite a bit, what with the Empire chasing him through the galaxy and all.”
Gordo just looked from one to the other in total confusion. Empire? Soldiers? Just when he doubted things could get stranger, the Hulk smashed his hand into the bedding. “Hulk smash! Hulk destroy!”
Gordo quickly backed away from the green AF.
“Oh, don’t mind him. Not much upstairs, if you know what I mean.” Gordo turned his attention to the ravishing Princess Leia, who was pointing to her head, grinning. “Not too unlike a Wookie I know.” At that, a tall, furry AF growled out some unintelligible words.
Mr. Gordo’s panic began to set in again until he felt a plastic hand on his back. “Do not worry, stuffed animal pig. These action figures are stuck in their own prefabricated worlds. They are not like us.” Gordo studied the funny figure closely. His eyes were yellow and his skin an unnatural shade. It looked somehow familiar…
“Are you…” He did not know whether or not to ask the question, but finally decided to persevere. “Are you a Vamp Hire?”
The AF did not laugh or frown, but simply corrected the pig. “No. I am an android. My name is Data.” The And Royd stuck his hand out and Gordo took the cue and shook it.
“Oh, Mr. Gordo!” A high-pitched voice rang out, grabbing the pig’s interest. There, at the end of the bed, hovered a small AF with wings and long, pointy ears. Her clothes left nothing to the imagination, but who was he to talk, a naked SA pig?
Gordo leaned in toward Data. “Who is that?”
“That is not one of ours. She is a fairy figure whom Johnny stole from his sister’s room months ago. I believe he has forgotten that she is here. May I suggest you stay away from her? She can be quite…naughty.”
Naughty? How can an AF be naughty? Gordo ignored the And Royd’s advice and traversed to the end of the bed in order to greet her.
“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Fairy. How did you know my name?”
The fairy giggled fancily. “Oh, I know everything about your world, Mr. Gordo.”
He looked at her, very confused. “My world?”
“Yes, of course. The world of the Slayers and vampires.” His eyes widened and jaw dropped. “And I also know of your Girl, Buffy.”
Gordo’s excitement got the best of him and he spun around, letting out a squeal. He did not notice the glimmer of mischief in her eyes.
“Yes, yes, my Girl! Do you know how I might find her?” He jumped up and down on the bed, unable to contain his emotions.
She smiled evilly. “Why, yes I do.”
At that, Gordo did a little flip into the air. “You must tell me how. I have to get back to her.”
The fairy put on a fake frown. “Oh, but I cannot give any SA his fondest wish. It is against the Fairy Code.”
The pig’s face and ears fell in disappointment.
“But what I can do is give you your second fondest desire.”
Data looked on knowingly. He had seen the fairy toy with emotions this callously before. He tried to call out to warn the SA again, but found his mouth magically unable to move.
“Now, what would that second desire be, Mr. Gordo?”
His tail wagged a bit and his ears wiggled at the excitement of the possibilities. He thought long and hard about this wish, finally coming up with the perfect solution. The fairy could not bring him to Girl, so he should obviously have the AF bring him to someone who is always with Girl. It came to him in a flash of inspiration. That Yellow furred Vamp Hire! Girl was always using him for information and other kinds of help. If he found Yellow Fur, it would not be long before they found Girl. “I would like to be reunited with Yellow Fur,” he said decisively.
She feigned her lack of understanding. “Yellow Fur? Would that be a stuffed animal of some sort?”
“No,” he explained, “it is that Big One named Spike.”
“Oh! You mean William the Bloody, don’t you?”
Gordo seemed to recall hearing this phrase, and eagerly answered in the affirmative.
“Very well, then. I shall send you to be with William the Bloody.” With a nasty little smirk and a sprinkling of pixie dust, Gordo’s world went black.
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Mr. Phillips’ voice ceased. He took a long look around the once stuffy boardroom at his coworkers. Peter had known these Beings since just after the dawn of time, yet had never seen such emotion displayed so frankly across their faces. Ms. Gertrude, the same Being who once betrayed her own partner for a better seat at the Big Table, now sat riveted with tears in her eyes. Mr. Shilander, the Being known to never remove the grimace from his face, now sported an expression of worry for a puny piece of pink polyester. And Mr. Harten, the worst boss to have ever graced these offices, had actually shown some concern for the toy.
“Don’t stop there, Peter. What happened to him? Did he find Spike? Did he ever reunite with Buffy?”
Peter Phillips picked up his glass of now tepid water and took a healthy swig. “I don’t know, sir. That’s where I lost him.”
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When Gordo’s world came back into focus, he found himself sitting on a very ornate bed, while a Brown Furred One sat across the room at a desk, scribbling on paper and mumbling to himself.
“William!” A voice ascended the stairs and entered the room. “Please come and sit with your mother.”
He smiled, then put away his papers. “Yes. Right away.”
The man turned so that Gordo could see his face. Yellow Fur! It was Yellow Fur! Only, his fur was now brown and floppy, and he wore those shiny decorations on his face. Not to mention that his voice sounded much different. “Yellow?” the pig asked.
The man seemed to have heard him, for he halted and stared at the pig setting upon his bed. “Now, where did you come from, my little fellow?”
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Mr. Harten’s face shifted between curiosity, anger and disappointment. “Well, have you looked for him?”
Phillips replied, offended, “Of course I have, sir. He just disappeared. I interrogated the fairy disguised as a child’s toy, but you know fairies. They’re quite evasive.”
“I see.” The boss looked around at the rest of his staff. “So. Any ideas, people? We’re not leaving until we find the pig. Got it?”
They all begrudgingly agreed, knowing better than to refuse him. And thus, the search for Gordo began.
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